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Personal Development FTW: You are the problem.

Personal growth, personal development, it’s all #trending right now – has been for awhile. And as much as I don’t consider myself a trend expert or even a trend follower I’m a fan of what’s happening.

Let’s talk about personal growth, by way of a short story, sprinkled with a few tools…a call to action along with a call to inaction. I can explain, bear with me.

Emergency Room Mayhem

We have to start at the beginning…in the middle of a downtown Portland Emergency Room just off of the ambulance bay early 2016. I’m there covering a break for a member of my admitting team because we are short staffed. And because I’ve been a woman on a mission to use her time well for decades – I’m also crafting an email until our next patient arrives by stretcher.

 

My Director had asked me to discuss staffing and share the problem around my immediate staffing shortage with my team through an email. I have a solid draft that explains the hiring process, the timeline it takes for background checks, securing the right fit for environments such as ours and had forwarded the draft to her for review, letting her know I was in the ER for the next 10 minutes if she had questions.

 

She called a few moments later. “It doesn’t explain the problem.” Confused, I responded with, “I thought I highlighted all of the key problems in the hiring process? I didn’t blame the bureaucracy of getting positions posted and the 15 step approval process…”

 

“That’s not the problem with turnover.”

 

Exasperated that she was keeping this problematic secret from me I retorted, “Well, you’re going to have to fill me in then – what is the problem?”

 

“YOU are the problem.” 

 

In that moment my heart sank to my belly and then shot up to my throat as I choked out, “I’ve gotta go.”

 

I gratefully handed pod 1 responsibilities over to the team lead and made a mad dash back to my office with hot tears threatening to spill from the corner of my eyes before I could get the door closed. The phone was already ringing. It was her. I can’t recall what either of us said but something about reconnecting to talk more the following day.

 

Anger, resentment, mourning, blame, shame and disappointment were the first waves of emotions I dealt with over those first few days. How was I the one to blame? I was just implementing the directives of the leadership ahead of me!? Was I firm and direct? You bet – we had a strong mission and values that called for it.

 

The weeks and months that followed however, I spent time doing some deep inner work, praying, talking to those close to me, and having vulnerable conversations with my team.                    

Johari Window

God’s timing is always spot on, isn’t it? During the early weeks of me unpacking my work shit we had a leadership meeting at the hospital where a new (to me) tool was introduced – the Johari window. And at the time, my heart was ready to unpack the learning about myself that was not only in my arena, but also in my facade and blind spots.

Let me explain, or rather let me have Wikipedia explain.


The Johari window is a technique designed to help people better understand their relationship with themselves and others. It was created by psychologists Joseph Luft  and Harrington Ingham.

In the exercise, someone picks a number of adjectives from a list, choosing ones they feel describe their own personality. The subject’s peers then get the same list, and each picks an equal number of adjectives that describe the subject. These adjectives are then inserted into a two-by-two grid of four cells

Arena/Open

The open area is that part of our conscious self – our attitudes, behavior, motivation, values, and way of life – that we are aware of and that is known to others. We move within this area with freedom. We are “open books”.


Façade/hidden

Adjectives selected by the subject, but not by any of their peers, go in this quadrant. These are things the peers are either unaware of, or that are untrue but for the subject’s claim.


Blind Spot

Adjectives not selected by subjects, but only by their peers go here. These represent what others perceive but the subject does not.


Unknown

Adjectives that neither the subject nor the peers selected go here. They represent the subject’s behaviors or motives that no one participating recognizes – either because they do not apply or because of collective ignorance of these traits.


Some of my biggest takeaways?

I found that my facade or hidden quadrant held back the fact that I had a sense of humor, I was funny dammit – but didn’t feel like I could be that way ‘professionally.’ It also attempted to hide that I’d rather DIY something than be patient and wait. My blind spots held some unapproachability and the feeling that I was making changes at lightning speed.


I’d love to close the loop for you and tell you that I was leader of the year at the hospital and my team learned to love me, but that wasn’t the case. As I was implementing my own growth plan and slowly making progress with that team an opportunity for a fresh start at another regional team opened up…and I was given a chance to start anew. Risky business! Hold tight for the end of that story a few paragraphs down.

Your turn!

Perhaps you are in a season of personal development – by choice or by necessity.

The single biggest realization that I want you to hold onto is this.

You have the ability to take action, and here are a few ways that I suggest you consider.

 

  • Read – You have countless books with millions of topics to learn more about, and you can even have them read to you – or you can keep your book a secret and put them on an e-reader. I see you.

  • Podcasts – Don’t like reading words? Listen instead to thought leaders, coaches, gurus and pastors speak on topics that you are looking to grow in. Pop in your earbuds on a walk or plug in during your commute.

  • Small Groups – Whether it’s a group of your peers, friends, life groups for moms from the same community…people know things and in community you can seek support and learn from one another.

  • Coaching – Hire a coach to guide you in an area that you are floundering in. Working with a coach will almost certainly shine a light on areas that you wouldn’t have seen and get you faster results than doing it yourself. 

  • Conferences – Typically a combination of all of the above; a teaching and learning style firehouse of information that is amongst your peers with some components of coaching all built in.

  • Devotion – Whether it’s faith based or not, quiet time in prayer, reflection and/or journaling is never time wasted. 


I have personally experienced growth from every single one of these categories. There are books that have changed my outlook, podcasts that jump started my growth, small groups that have spoken life into me, coaches that have helped me mine gold, conferences that will I remember for decades, and daily devotion that I’ll never regret.

Go inward and go upward!

It’s easy to blame the system, the process, the leadership and the list goes on. It’s much more difficult at times to take ownership over our part in the problem and then follow through to do something about it.

 

I’m going to encourage you to go there. Do the hard and meaningful work.

or not.

I’ve been in seasons of deep work and I’ve been in periods of maintenance. At times I’ve plain tuckered myself out from self-help, deep dives, devos and reflection.

 

It’s okay to pause. It’s alright not to always be in consumption mode, or even action mode. 

 

Or maybe personal development isn’t your jam and you just want to be – that’s okay too. 

 

Personally, I don’t want to be the same person I was at 20, 30, 40 or 43.5

I want to be better than I was yesterday. Not better than you. Just better than me. Sometimes I completely fail and am no better than a whiny 4 year old, self absorbed 11 year old or 16 year old rebellious teen. 

 

I have recent examples of each, just ask my husband.

Call To Action

This journey isn’t perfect, but it does have purpose. I believe that I was given a call to action – to be salt and light.

 

13 “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet.

14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.15 Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

Perhaps you were called to the same. Or maybe something different altogether. At your own pace, I encourage you to dig in or even dive into what tomorrow’s version of you could look like. I bet she’s super cool.

 

Oh, and that next regional job that I took after the emergency room drama? My best ever professionally; award winning, result getting, people focused, good time. Until I took this whole coaching gig – now that’s my #1. 

 

Thank you for joining me on my journey to influence.

Sarah is a Ramsey Preferred Coach
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6 thoughts on “Personal Development FTW: You are the problem.”

  1. Sarah van Akkeren

    Wow – way to be vulnerable, Sarah! Thank you for sharing the ugly that you allowed to bring pliability and growth instead of bitterness and brittleness. Thank you for embracing this journey and openly sharing the good, bad, and everything in between to inspire others to join you. It’s an honor to know you!

    1. Thank you Sarah! Leaning into the vulnerability to send the message that growth isn’t always linear or pretty. Honored to know YOU!

  2. Personally, I don’t see the problem. I have had several occasions in life where people have been critical of me and they were dead wrong and my training stated as such.
    There are ppl taking up air and food here that actually don’t know what is really going on. They lack insight, hindsight and foresight. And I just got slammed with one this AM that is from a volunteer standpoint. All of the complaints from this person shows me he has nothing better to do. My life responses are based on the facts and experience and training for the most important thing I do and that is public safety. I don’t get paid a dime for it either.
    I read your articles and find them intriguing.
    Keep up the good work.

    1. You’re right Pati – it’s not always OUR problem, but looking for the truth somewhere in it…even if it’s a hint can help with personal growth. Glad you’re keeping others safe!! Thanks for reading. 🙂

  3. Thank you for sharing that vulnerable portion of your life, I would have cried too. I need these reminders to push forward and push through to be better than I was yesterday. Thank you, you give me hope.

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