It’s the end of the year, actually – it’s the end of a decade…time really DOES go by fast, just like our parents and grandparents said it would.
Time to make new year’s resolutions or new goals – whatever you’d like to call them. This isn’t your first rodeo; you’re familiar with this game we all play at the end of one year, and the beginning of a new one. Are you going with the usuals? So often we create goals around that new bod we’ve been after since…high school; that’s not ever coming back in the same way, shape, or form. Or perhaps you’re one that makes new career goals surrounding a promotion, or project you’d like to take on. Maybe this is going to be the year that you finally make good on that financial goal that you’ve been avoiding for awhile.
This year, I’m doing something different.
Oh, don’t worry – I’m doing some of the same too. I have a goals list, just like you – but I’ve paired it down to a reasonable number, I’ve made sure they were SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time bound) and I’m going to see them through this year – you know why? 2020 is our year ladies! It’s an even number, a new decade, it’s the time that hindsight meets up with the year. More on my big goals soon enough. But first, I want to share with you a list of things I don’t do.
A big fast list of non-resolutions.
A list of things that won’t be crossed off or accomplished this year, another year – perhaps but most are just going to live on my I don’t list forever. I saw a blog post floating around on social media and I loved everything that it stood for. LINKED HERE I thought that I’d recreate my own version to share with you here, and hope that you’ll be challenged to do the same.
You know why I want you to call out your I don’t list? Because you are enough just the way you are.
You are ah-mazing. Has anyone told you lately? Wait, what?! It’s not the first thing out of your kids’ mouth when you gently wake them each morning to get them off to school? It’s not the last thing your spouse tells you when you go to bed exhausted each night? Your BFF doesn’t text this mantra to you twice daily? Your colleagues and teammates at work don’t shower you with notes of thanks for the hours of contributions you make?
Yeah, I didn’t think so. It’s okay – that’s not real-world stuff. When we do get that love and gratitude from those around us, we hold onto it like a precious gem to get us through to the next hurdle when we need it.
I want you to know that what you do is incredible, and what you don’t do….is perfectly okay too.
You’re doing a kick ass job at this whole life thing. Gone are the days that being a woman was a single role of being ‘pretty’, raising children, managing a household or contributing to your family’s income. We are doing all.the.things in this day and age – or at least we’re trying to. Enough I say! I’m not going to pretend that I’m doing all of those things, and neither should you attempt to do them all either. Let it go friend.
Here’s the list of things that I don’t do.
I’m adding to it on the regular.
1. I don’t cook. Lucky for me, and my children, and anyone else that may come to our home for a meal – my husband does the cooking. He does an excellent job of it, and has a knack for putting ingredients together that taste good, all while having the patience to not burn things to a crisp.
2. I don’t like field trips. I see those Moms out there going to the pumpkin patch, the zoo, the observatory…and I wish them well. They even volunteer at the PTA. No, thank you. I try to get to one a year because it makes my girls happy, but I will not be at that Winterfest and the jogathon in addition to. Supervising other people’s children is not my jam.
3. I don’t make birthday cakes. Once again, I’m blessed to have talent in the family! My sister runs a small baking business on the side, and always makes the kids’ birthday cakes. They share their ideas with her, and it’s this bonding moment between auntie and niece that I don’t want to take away from, nor do I want to stress about the morning of said birthday party.
4. I don’t do hangry well. OMG! Don’t cross me when I’m hungry. My poor husband has seen me hangry on too many occasions. I have to pack myself snacks to remain civil. Why can’t I be a grown up instead of a toddler when I feel a hunger pang. Purse snacks? Check.
5. I don’t wash the sheets as often as I should. Gross, right? I know. Whatever. I think that normal sheet washing procedure is weekly…and I’m lucky to get those in the washer every two weeks. Mostly because I don’t like re-making the bed. Lazy ass.
6. I don’t like the way I look naked. This is probably true of many of us I imagine. I wish I had a bit more confidence to look in the mirror and adore the way I look, but I just don’t. I do however look a bit more svelte when I take my contacts out…so, no laser eye surgery for me. I sort of see you over there in the mirror hot stuff. 😉
7. I don’t party like a Rockstar. Similar to hangry Sarah, tired Sarah is also no fun. I need sleep people. At least 6.5 hours, and preferably 8. I can hardly keep my eyeballs open past 9pm. This makes for entertaining, or even lively evening conversation pretty limited past my curfew.
8. I don’t dust and vacuum. I haven’t in years. (The one time with the couch cushions is the outlier.) When my youngest was an infant and I went back to work after maternity leave, we hired a housekeeper to come into the house and do all of the basics every couple of weeks. I haven’t dusted since.
9. I don’t read enough books. There are seasons of my life that I get more reading in, and seasons that reading email is as good as it gets. I’d love to say that I read a book a month for personal development, but I don’t. P.S. when I say reading I also count audiobooks as the same thing. I hope you do too; that totally counts.
10. I don’t do social media well. When my sister-in-law explained to me that the goal is to have a pretty, matching Instagram page I nearly fell out of my chair. When my husband told me, I needed to use more hashtags for visibility I cringed. Stories, videos, gifs…not my strong suit. #goals
11. I don’t think of others as often as I’d like. I’m self-centered. Eew. I hate writing that, but it’s true. I’m often looking out for me – and later on I remember the others that I should be considering. I don’t like that it’s second nature sometimes, but it is. Ugh, moving on.
12. I don’t like reading bedtime stories. I may have once, but I don’t now. Sometimes the reading is so s-l-o-w. And most of the time, I just want to tuck those little beings into bed quickly so that I can have some kid-free time. “Yes, we can watch 10 more minutes of this show…but that means we won’t be able to read a story…” I’m not the Grinch, I promise.
13. I don’t know how to French braid. Regular braid – I’ve got that. Pony tail – no problem. French braid…no. Mad props to those women that can do this magical hair illusion on their own heads! And sometimes inside out. At this point, I think my kids should just learn to do it themselves, and then practice on each other. It’s too late for me.
14. I don’t meditate daily. I meditate sometimes, and I have devotional time often – but daily, I don’t do it. Oh, I understand the value and recognize that I’m in a better place for the whole day if I can devote 10 minutes to the practice, but I don’t always prioritize properly.
15. I don’t know when to shut up sometimes. Lord. Ask our neighbors. I’m an oversharer at times, and only made worse with wine. This can also get in the way at work for me…I’m so transparent that there is nothing left behind the curtain and I’ve set myself up to be thrown under the bus. Ouch.
16. I don’t feel courageous or even capable every day. I have a strong personality. Those of you that know me well, just chuckled a bit – hard to hide being a ‘high D’ on the DISC assessment or a whole lot of red on the Personalysis. This head strong way about me serves me well most days – I tackle challenges like a boss, and make things happen. But there are days that I don’t feel prepared to tackle the challenges of the day. I lack the strength and courage on my own.
17. I don’t do yard work or rinse the dishes properly. Ask my husband. These two things if mastered would probably make me a #1 wife in his book, but I can’t seem to muster the wherewithal to do them. Prewash the dishes before they go into the dishwasher!? Isn’t that why we have that damn thing?
18. I don’t always like following a budget. I’m a financial coach, with a passion in personal money management – but I don’t always like following a budget. There are days that I’d prefer to go on a giant spending spree and pump money into the economy.
19. I don’t disconnect from my phone as often as I should. It’s like this wicked little trap that fits in your pocket; giving you all the updates of all the things. I had a period of improvement, and then launched this blog and business – and now I want to know if you like, love, and commented on the latest post. Now, I set myself time limits.
20. I don’t apologize well. Sorry, not very sorry. At least initially. I need an overnight and a bit of perspective to feel a bit of remorse. When that apology does come in the morning, you’ve got to listen to it close – because it’s not likely to be loud, or repeated. I’m working on it.
Now, it’s your turn. Go ahead and create your goals list, but also create an I don’t list. And be okay with it. Like I said, you’re doing a killer job anyway…it’s okay to not do it all. Let’s be gracious with each other, and not hold this whole womanhood thing on a pedestal that can’t be attained.
Do you feel so bold as to post a few items from your ‘I don’t…’ list? Would love to see them. And I’d bet that sharing them on social media could be pretty powerful to the tribe around you. Let’s see it! #idontlist
Thank you for joining me on my journey to influence.